Black Love is missing in action. You notice it every day. The way we disrespect each other. The way we talk to each other. The way we hurt each other physically and mentally.
How we treat each other extends beyond our immediate families. We are afraid to walk, afraid to talk, and afraid to venture out.
The lack of Black Love is toxic. It impacts everything in our community. It impacts what resources come, what resources go, our quality of health, and how law enforcement treats us. But every so often Black Love shows up and shows out. In late June, I tuned into the BET Awards to hear some music and be entertained. The last thing I expected was a grown man crying uncontrollably on my screen.
But there he was. The acclaimed rapper and Hip Hop icon Busta Rhymes, brushing tears away while accepting the BET Lifetime Achievement Award. I quickly realized that his emotion was less about the award than about the love he received from the audience. It was continuous. It was genuine.
This show of emotion convinced me that despite the cuss words, the swagger and the beefs, the Hip Hop community can and does give out a lot of love.
It is easy to say, yet harder to do. I am convinced that we must love ourselves before we can love anyone else, including family, friends, and community.
Every day we see countless examples of damage done because people fail to love themselves. It has severely impacted our community and others. Unfortunately, o one seems to have a complete answer.
Yes, disinvestment is a problem. Yes, absent fathers are a problem. Yes, police brutality is a problem. Yes, racism is a problem. But none of this is new and it is not going to disappear.
In 1964, James Baldwin wrote: “As long as my children face the future that they face, and come to the ruin that they come to, your children are very greatly in danger, too. They are endangered above all by the moral apathy which pretends it isn’t happening.”
And so, nearly 60 years later, we see and we don’t see. We wait to be fixed. We ignore the fact that the solution is within us. We have the ability to love ourselves. However, we often just don’t.
Where Do I Start?
First, you should examine our inner feelings. Do a deep dive about who you are and what you are about. How do you feel about yourself? Have you done the things in life that you wanted to do? If not, why not?
Sometimes we blame ourselves for things that are not our fault. Other times we take credit for things that we should not. We often worry about things that are beyond our control. Very few people have learned the art of completely managing their lives. How we feel about ourselves really helps determine how we feel about others, including family.
Are we envious of people who have more material assets than we do? Do we measure our self-worth by how much money we have, or the size of our house? This is very common. However, how we live is much more important than where we live.
Do those with more education make you uncomfortable? I could go on. I think it is obvious that all of us are probably lacking in some way. But, does it really matter? Only if it impacts our feelings of self-worth. This, in turn, will have some impact on how treat others.
Do You Treat Your Body Right?
Here is something else to blame on the Pandemic.
When first sheltered in place, many of us went out and bought a lot of stuff that would make us feel good.
Busta Rhymes, Nas, and the Wu-Tang Clan celebrate nearly collective years of music, culture, and history. Copyright Daveed Holmes of Apertrue Photography.
I am not talking about healthy sweet stuff like fruit. I am talking about unhealthy sweet stuff, salty stuff, fat stuff and on the like.
Well, many months and pounds later, we see the results. The sugar, salt and processed foods have taken their toll one way or the other.
If this is you, start drinking more water. Start eating more fruits and vegetables. Get back to the doctor and see what can be fixed. Let’s get healthy!
Our physical condition impacts how we relate to others, inside and outside of our households. Our physical condition has a direct and indirect impact on our mental condition as well.
Do You Treat Your Mind Right?
Are you angry all of the time and don’t know why? Are you always doing and saying things that you later regret? Are you always anxious about something?
Maybe you have a Mental Health issue. There I said it! Mental Health! The one good thing to come out of the Pandemic is the fact that many people are more open about discussing how they feel.
I do not know how Mental Health got such a bad reputation in the Black community. But I am glad that many are now more open about discussing it and taking action for themselves and those close to them.
Just like you call a mechanic to fix your car, a pharmacist to fill your prescription and an electrician to get your lights back on, sometimes we need someone specially trained to figure out what is going on with us mentally. It is nobody’s business. No one needs to know. Just like we don’t broadcast the results of our annual physical, our mental health is our business, except we should share it with our family.
Do You Treat Your Spirit Right?
Let’s be clear. I am not talking about praying and asking to win the lottery. I am talking more about being thankful for what we have. And, I am talking about finding ways to be of service to others.
Taking care of our spirits really has nothing to do with our religion. It has more to do with seeking the well being of others.
Do You Treat The Planet Right?
As I write, there are air advisories in Illinois and across the country as smoke has impacted us from Canadian fires. The air is bad, water is bad, and not enough efforts to recycle.
Despite the oil and gas industry, this is something we have some control over. We just have to do it. Otherwise, part of our daily routine is going to include walking around wearing a gas mask. That is, if we can afford one!
Stay Strong and Vigilant
Pay close attention as the Supreme Court and Clarence Thomas continue their assault on democracy and common sense. We should have known that Affirmative Action was next, after the attack on Roe v. Wade and women’s health rights, just one year ago.
And the presidential election in November 2024 is lurking. Black Love must become a unifying battle cry as the family comes together. If nothing else, think of it as self-preservation.
Walter M. Perkins is a Chicago based author
