“The ugliness, the missing parts of myself left unattended and unearthed did not dissolve with time....”
On the first days of June, Men’s Health Month, those burning question comes back to mind: What does a good man look like? What is healthy masculinity? How do good men conduct themselves in their relationships, culture, community, and the world? The complex and sensitive answers to these questions are ones that no one would be able to answer with such a restricted word count even if they could sufficiently answer them, so I won’t attempt to. But what I will do is propose an idea to and for men and try to further get us to the much-needed answers of what it means to be a good man. This concept is one I have formulated through my life experiences, literature, and critical discussions with other men has drastically helped me and will hopefully bring new and improved understanding to the idea of a “Good Man” and its called:
Look in the Filth
I’ve had to understand that one can only get so far in this life before the filth brings you to a complete stop. Before an accumulation of the filth, we ignore and avoid, forms an unscalable wall. The filth, the baggage, the past, these parts of yourself are not something you can let sit with you if you’re going to transcend. This sentiment is one I’ve had to learn the hard way and what I’m still understanding in the context of manhood.
Everyone has their own sort of past but men in particular struggle with this “Filth” as if we’ll be fine regardless of it. As if it’ll dissolve with time, but it will not. Getting rid of your baggage is not the equivalent of a smart investment but a prerequisite into self-realization.
At a certain point in my life I graduated from the arrogant and naïve youthful notion that I knew everything, and was already at my best. And so, I began a journey into genuine self-development but my efforts to improve upon my life proved endlessly futile. Striving for the esoteric, vague idea of the person I was going to be in the future got me no further than my past self. My pursuit resulted in mental and emotional outcomes I had always gotten.
The frustration of constant failure flung me into a mild depression and an existential nihilism. Until I decided to confront myself.
The ugliness, the missing parts of myself left unattended and unearthed did not dissolve with time but was solid and unmoved. But with just a small amount removed what revealed itself to me underneath the sewage of myself was beautiful, courage, love and understanding. If I could ask all the men of the world one thing it would be to do this thorough investigation into the filth.
