When we talk about stepfathers most of the time it’s a
one-sided conversation. Stepfathers are viewed as replacements, or someone that’s righting another person’s wrongs, or stepfathers are just there for credibility. I want to shed more light on both sides of the role stepfather’s play in a family.
I’ll start with pros. Let’s start by recognizing how important it is for men to choose to accept the mother and her children. It can be hard to open yourself up to love and care for kids that aren’t biologically yours. The process can be hard waiting for the kids warm up to you. All kids are not accepting of stepfathers, they may feel like the stepfather is taking their actual father’s place. Children may need extra time to make sure you actually care for their mom and for themselves.
Another advantage of stepfathers is men offering an opportunity to experience what a true father figure is. Many kids have gone through life without any male role models, which sometimes can leave them open to some traumatic events. Also the stress of the mother trying to be both parents affects kids in some harmful ways.
Stepfathers lift a large weight off of the mother’s shoulders by being there, giving them love and support, and just showing them “I’m not just temporary”. Now you may think I’m just hyping stepfathers up too much, but the stepfathers that actually settle down and really give their all to be the missing piece to a family deserves the recognition for what they do.
Having a stepfather can come with cons. A lot of kids when they get stepfathers wonder why they aren’t wanted by their actual father as if they weren’t good enough for their fathers to be there for them. That can really take a toll on the kids mental state. Another con is some men just marry the women without ever really committing to her kids. Even worse some men just marry women with kids because of financial benefits.
My experience of having a stepfather wasn’t the best.
He gave this speech to me, my siblings and my mom that he would be the best dad and husband that he could be. He said he wanted us to be a family and that he cared for each and every one of us. But actions speak louder than words.
Despite the disappointments, he taught me good life lessons, unintentionally and intentionally. For example,
he taught me how to learn who and who not to trust,
I learned red flags to look for in a boyfriend or just friends in general, and finally I understand better who really cares about me.
