“Well now, I get low and I get high – If I can’t get either, I really try” Stayin’ Alive - The Bee Gees
By Walter M. Perkins
Even before the pandemic, those who know me, were aware that I talk to myself. Even to the point of having heated dis-agreements with myself. I knew even then that I have a ratio-nal and irrational side to my personality. Talking to myself usually involved my rational self trying to talk my irrational self out of doing something…Well irrational.
My father, often used to ask me, “Who you talkin to boy?” Only to enter the room and find that it was just me. Maybe that’s why he wanted me to become a lawyer. I could make plenty of money, arguing both sides of the case.
The point here, is that in all times it is important to know who you are. What is important to you? What are your values? What are your likes? Dislikes? What is your breaking point? What are the things that you will not do, regardless of the temptation or circumstances?
Knowing myself has so far helped me mostly navigate the highs and lows of this pandemic.
But, it hasn’t been easy.
Usually, I can write myself into a good mood, or at least one that helps me get through the day. Until this past year. Going through a period when all of the news seems to be bad, has been rough, for me and just about everyone else.
The media as necessary as it is, has not helped. Every story cannot be “Breaking News!” From early morning until you turn off the television, the same top story with no new information is breaking news? No it’s not. After about three times hearing the same story, it’s time to move on. If the media won’t do it, you need to for your own peace.
Do something else. Read a book. Listen to some music. Call somebody and see how they’re doing. Call somebody and see if they need anything. Some of us are too proud to seek help. So, if you care, call.
While locked in hopefully you’ve done something new. Learned how to play a musical instrument or sing. Learned how to play chess. Hell, learned how to play checkers! Hopefully you’ve improved your life and the lives of those around you.
Early on, during the first series of lockdowns, I discovered that I had some type of anxiety disorder. Always worried about something. Usually, something involving the well-being of self, family, friends.
Later, as the different stages of the pandemic played out, those types of worries shifted to doing whatever was necessary to stay out of the hospital. You remember, during that time people going in often didn’t come out…Alive.
Next, was the understanding of the consistent need for self-care…Spiritual, physical, and mental. Longstanding habits changed. The simple ritual of reading the Sun-Times in the morning and the Tribune in the evening ended. I spent so much time washing my hands and spraying the newspaper, I had to wait until it dried before I could read it. Before I knew it, I was reading Monday’s news on Thursday or Friday.
Like Nate Dogg and Warren G on “Regulate,” I said, “Damn What’s Next?”
It didn’t take long to find out.
From curbside pickup and home grocery delivery, we finally decided to venture out. The number of old white people and young Black people, who decided to go maskless quickly moved us back to curbside. Although I admit, as a Black man, I had to get used to walking around with a mask. Would people understand it’s because of the pandemic, not because I’m a criminal? Fortunately, the people at my bank recognized me.
The people who couldn’t figure out how to properly place the mask on their faces were even more concerning. In my mind, at least those without masks had made a decision, ill-advised as it might be. Those who pretended to not know the proper way to wear the mask were worse. You might not notice them until they were in your face. Maybe curbside wasn’t so bad after all.
The realization that there were those trying to make money selling poorly made face masks and hand sanitizer with dangerous ingredients, was something else to deal with.
I now knew that we had reached the point where the challenge was just staying alive in our own house. Meanwhile, the political transition from 45 to Joe Biden is taking place. I tried not to envision what a 2nd term for 45 might have looked like for us. Even so, a couple of months into the Biden administration, with him doing cleanup in aisles 2, 3 and 4, the national political scene is concerning. And with several states, starting with Georgia, preparing legislation that will limit early voting, the political game is in extra innings.
Making it illegal to give food or water to those waiting in line to vote?
We still have political targets on our backs. We need to get and keep ourselves together individually and collectively. That means watching each other’s backs and taking care of our communities.
To do so we must keep our wits about us. Nobody knows you better than you. If things don’t seem quite right, get some help. Despite the stereotype about therapy in our community, needing help mentally is no different than needing help physically. It might help you live a better life going forward. As it is, suicides are up. Domestic violence is up. Random assaults and killings are up.
We want to see you on the other side of the 2020 chaos and beyond. Your family and community need you.
Walter M. Perkins is editor of South Side Drive Magazine
