“To a father growing old, nothing is dearer than a daughter.” –Euripides

And I’ve got two. What a blessing! I wear a simple chain around my neck with a charm attached reading #1 Dad. Over the years I’ve had some interesting conversations, some might even say confrontational, about my self-acclaimed title. I think one guy was ready to fight until I convinced him to accept recognition as #2 dad.  But before I talk about my special relationship with my daughters, let me introduce the person who made it all possible. My dad. When I grew up in Englewood in the late 50s and early 60s, two-parent households were the norm.  Those few families who managed without the husband/father were rare. In fact, in some cases, if the father decided to take on a girlfriend…He would just take on a girlfriend. At the end of the day, he usually would be home with the family. My father was always there. A painter by trade. An entrepreneur by choice. At various times owning a grocery store and a couple of BBQ joints on the South Side. A reader, lover of classical music…Somewhere along the line, he taught himself how to play the violin. How do I know? Growing up I used to hear him playing.  My father was also a savvy street guy. You could see it in the way he dressed. The way he walked. The way he talked. The respect that people gave him. Born in New Orleans in 1907, he came to Chicago at the age of 15. Never left.

Early on he made it clear to me that he wanted me to become a lawyer. Back then successful Blacks were teachers, preachers, doctors, lawyers, and undertakers. However, by the time I got to high school, I had decided that I wanted to be a writer. I’ll never forget him asking me, “Can you make any money doing that boy?” I replied, “I don’t know dad, but I’d like to give it a shot.” However, I did decide to go to law school, a decision that helped me become a better writer. My father would be proud that my youngest daughter is a successful Intellectual Property attorney. He would also smile with satisfaction, knowing that my oldest daughter is a successful veterinarian.  

The fact that my father was always there, always an important presence in my life, helped me to know how to approach fatherhood. To be successful, you have to have good examples.  Early on I told my daughters that as much as I love them, I may not always be right. Even so, I will always have your best interests in mind. Example. I began listening to “Gangster Rap” at the point I knew my daughters would be tuning in. I wanted to be able to have an intelligent discussion with them. I had long listened to more mainstream Rap because I understood that it was rooted in the music of Curtis Mayfield, James Brown, Parliament-Funkadelic, The Last Poets, The Isley Brothers, Marvin Gaye, and others. But “Gangster Rap?” Well, my need to converse and be “hip” with my daughters coincided with the release of “The Chronic” by Dr. Dre and Snoop.  The fact that I liked the music, especially the beat, somewhat complicated things. But I was still able to have that intelligent conversation with my daughters. 

I have always had a comfortable relationship with my daughters. Never judgmental. Never confrontational. Always loving, trying to keep their interests first. Over the years I’m sure that I have learned as much from them, as they have from me. We are all opinionated, but do not let that interfere in our relationship. We start and end each day saying I love you!  I am so happy and blessed to have this experience. To those of you who have, for whatever reason, lost contact with your children…Reconnect. It’s never too late.  They will embrace you if you do. I am and will remain # 1 Dad.